Tutorial: Meeting Chester

WELL, that was a landing!
I've seen dragons bellyflop with more grace.
You alright down there, crater boy?

Short version?
Fired from Furnox. Catapulted. Sky. Ground. Boom.
You made quite the entrance. Birds are still confused.

Insane? Please. That’s corporate policy these days.
"We regret to inform you... please enjoy your complimentary flight."
Classy.

Welcome to Aahzville Forest!
Home of damp moss, dramatic cliffs,
and now... unemployed humans with possible concussions.

Yes! Chester Hoardington!
Actor, adventurer, storage solution!
I once doubled for a loot crate in "WarZone Redemption IV".
Now I’m stuck here, in an indie game with no budget.
Life is cruel.

Weird is the norm here, friend.
Now come on, dust off that crater from your face.
You’ve got tutorials to survive.

See that axe over there?
Used to belong to some nerd who camped here last week.
Skinny arms. Glasses. Talked about cryptocurrency a lot.

Vanished overnight.
All he left was his tent... and that axe.
I <b><i>did</i></b> hear strange duck quacking around midnight.
Didn’t think much of it at the time.

Yeah. Ducks.
Since that night, I don’t trust them anymore.
Beady eyes. Webbed feet. Suspiciously quiet... until they’re not.
Anyway, grab the axe. You look just nerdy enough to wield it.

Alright, axe boy, time to commit your first act.
See those fences? Smash 'em.
Destroying abandonned property is technically recycling.

Because inside every fence lives... valuable wood.
You’ll need the scraps to build a sawhorse. You know, for crafting. Like in <b><i>every</i></b> game ever.

That’s the spirit!
Destroy meaningless structures, harvest their remains, and pretend it’s progress!

Excellent. You’ve got sticks and scraps.
Time to build a sawhorse, because obviously you can’t just craft things with your <b><i>hands</i></b> like a caveman.

Alright, lumberjack lite, it’s finally time to chop down some trees!
Yes, real trees. Tall. Leafy. Majestic. Full of glorious, glorious WOOD.

Like it? I <b><i>am</i></b> it!
Wood is nature’s miracle material: strong, flexible, stylish!
It floats, it burns, it builds... and it makes excellent treasure chests, if I may say so.

Confidence is easy when you're 80% mahogany.
Now get to chopping, we need fresh wood to improve things around here!

Alright little woodcutter, our next step is to get our sales department up and running:
You need to repair that dusty old drone platform over there.
Yes, the sad metal slab covered in bird poop over there that looks like it lost a fight with lightning. Twice.

It summons delivery drones from the city.
They pick up your handcrafted nonsense, sell it, and <b><i>hopefully</i></b> don’t crash into a bird on the way back.

Oh, they are. Big whirring idiots.
But they work cheap, never sleep, and don’t ask questions. Unlike <b><i>some</i></b> freshly unemployed woodchoppers I know.

Good! Now gather some parts and fix the platform.
We’ve got stuff to ship and greed to feed.
And I want my chest stuffed with more coin than your last paycheck!

Great job with the drone platform!
You're not as dumb as you look. Maybe.

Alright, enough flattery:
It’s time to turn that beautiful wood into something even more beautiful... Furniture!
Not for comfort, no, no! We’re doing this for serious MONEY.

Yes, really! People LOVE buying rustic junk made by amateurs.
Slap together a chair or a table and someone will toss coins at you like it’s performance art.

Because, my gullible friend, I am a <b><i>chest</i></b>.
And chests love one thing more than anything else...
Cold. Shiny. Clinky. MONEYYYYY.
I want to be so full of cash I develop back problems.

Absolutely. Now start crafting.
Let’s turn this tragic forest life into a booming furniture empire.

Step one: chairs.
Step two: Chairs with ARMRESTS.
Step three: WORLD DOMINATION!

Before we can get started, however, you need to build a workbench. Then you can FINALLY start crafting and selling glorious furniture.

Now get to work! A furniture empire doesn't build itself!

Great job selling that furniture! I can already smell all the money we're going to make in the not too distant future!

Now listen: You are doing great cutting down all those precious trees, but your axe is looking kinda dull...
you should sharpen it to be even more efficient!

I had this piece in my inventory back when i was part of an RPG game.
I used to be a great treasure chest!
But no one ever came to claim the loot...
So, i think i should give it to you.

Now go build yourself a proper grindstone!
Then you can finally start sharpening your axe as much as you please!

Alright, carpenter in training, before you continue building your empire of overpriced chairs:
I need you to check out the broken bridge down that path.

Oh, I’ll tell you what happened...
DUCKS! That’s what happened.
Feathered fiends. One minute they’re quacking, then <b><i>BAM</i></b> and the bridge collapses.
Coincidence? I think not.

Yes, again!
They’ve been too quiet lately... plotting, scheming, waddling with intent.
Now go scout the damage.

Just don’t get ambushed by a web-footed hit squad!

You made it? And you're not covered in feathers?
Well... looks like the area’s clear then.
No ducks in sight. A rare window of peace.

Don’t get cocky. Ducks are masters of deception.
They can blend into shadows. Mimic wind. Disguise themselves as lawn ornaments.
But for now, no quacking means we act fast!

Yes! Repair it immediately!
Before they return with tiny wrenches and an attitude.
We rebuild, we cross, we move forward, while the ducks plot their next feathery betrayal.

Alright genius, in that case: You need to build a PC.
No, not a 'personal confusion'. A proper Personal Computer.
Do you even know what that is, or have you been living under a rock?

Exactly my point!
It’s a magic box made out of thingyfoo-thingies and whatchamacallits.
It lets you and me order stuff we can't craft ourselves. Like snacks or fancy hats.
I swear, I’m the only one around here who really knows what a PC is.

Yeah i know its a complicated thing.
But I believe in you... mostly because I have no other choice.
Now gather parts, build that PC, and let's get shopping.
I want gadgets, upgrades and maybe a tiny disco ball.

Look at that!
The bridge is fixed, the world hasn't ended, and not a single duck in sight.
You, my friend, have defied all odds and basic expectations!

But listen closely now...
From this point on, be <b><i>very</i></b> careful.
That bridge is now strategic. Ducks love strategic things.
They’ll be back. Probably with blueprints and vengeance.

No, what I need is surveillance drones and duck proof fencing.
But I digress.The point is: you’ve done well.
For now... I’ve taught you everything I know. Scary, isn’t it?

Now? We become partners.
You: the hands.
Me: the brains, voice, charm and chest of the operation.
Together, we shall RULE the furniture world!
And by 'we', I mean I get most of the money, obviously.

A tough negotiator, huh?
Okay, okay... How about 70/30?

... No? ...
60/40? ...

Not even that?

...
All right all right, then equal partners it is!

Oh, it will.
Weird, profitable, and slightly unhinged.

Before we start our empire, there is one last thing you need to do:
A very important mission ... emotional, symbolic, therapeutic.

Head to the nearby cliff.
From there you’ll see the Furnox headquarters: big, shiny, and full of people who yeeted you out of a catapult.

Once you’re there ... let them know how you feel.
Send them a sign. A gesture. A message from the deepest part of your soul.